Many of you have read my memoir, the first book in the b.o.n.d.a.g.e Series.
Some of you read it in hours, eating my words like your last meal, allowing my story to help you face the pain of your own. With tears streaming, and gut wrenching, you began the slow, painful journey to liberty. Some of you took your time reading it. You needed grace to move from one pain to the next, to digest that you knew this little girl, this young woman who had experienced such traumatizing and life-altering events. You called to express your anger and your desire to protect me…even though some of the stories were well over 20 years old. Some of you bought the book or received it as a gift, but have been unable to read it. You started, marveled at my ability to put my pain into words, but couldn’t continue. You said you loved me too much; it hurt more than you anticipated; the details were too hard to digest; and because I write so vividly, the images were just too much.
Many of you called, all hours of the day and night. You were crying, hyperventilating, remembering. My story brought up the blocked memories of your own, and you thanked me for my transparency. We talked you through it, prayed you through it, walked you through it.
Later, I found out that some were offended. My story was too real, too raw, too vivid, too many details. Perhaps you would have preferred that I sugar coat some of it, veil the details, excluded the few words of profanity, wrote it with a filter. This is the audience I wish to address.
I didn’t write this book to make money. I didn’t write it to become popular. I wrote this book because of my belief that I’d lived my entire life in bondage, in an identity crisis, hidden behind a veil of secrets and lies. The thought of my children living this same life, carrying my secrets and burdens, it sickened me. I wanted them to be able to start their lives with a liberty I had yet to experience. Although I’d already birthed them through bruised birth canals, I knew there had to be a way to dial it back. Some way to show them a different path. For me, that path was rooted in truth and transparency. That journey began with facing my demons, staring them down, and calling them out through exposure. There were some in my family who disagreed with my method. I understood that. Everyone isn’t called to the same ministry.
Today, I stand by every word in that book. I stand by my story, every raw, sordid, painful detail. Releasing my story allowed me to walk in a state of liberty I didn’t even know was possible. It restored my courage. It strengthened me. It put me in a position to find and help others out of the prison of their pain. It regulated me. Renewed me.
It has been such a tumultuous journey. One of the hardest things in the world is baring your soul before people who are usually looking for a reason to discredit you. Oh but the God I serve! He fortified me for this journey. I may not be a bible scholar. I may not be a profound or prolific exegesist of the word. But I AM anointed to find the pain in the room. I AM anointed to speak to it, to call it out. I AM anointed to help women find and USE their God-given voices. I AM anointed to point the way to liberty. However God wishes to use me on this mission, I say YES!
So perhaps my book isn’t for you. I respect that whole-heartedly. I will say that you probably won’t like the second installation either. I will not change the format that God has given me. However, please don’t allow my delivery to deter you from your deliverance. You may not be my assignment, but liberty is for us ALL Sis. You will never be able to walk into your Divine Destiny if you’re muted by the pain of your past, stuck in the muck of your present, and afraid of the journey to your future. Find the person that God sent just for you.
As an ending note, I say be careful. Sometimes you’re looking for your liberty to show up from one direction, but it’s already been presented to you from another. You’re waiting on God, but God is waiting on YOU.
In Love AND Liberty,
~Shaquenia Monique
